Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Is it Illegal to Urinate on Your Sister? What this means for your weekend, tonight at 10:00pm...
Did you know the laws are different in different states? You probably did. You have probably heard that marijuana has been decriminalized in sixteen (16) states and in Washington DC. Which would tip you off to the autonomy of state legislature. And you probably know that lawyers have to pass a state bar, and that they can only practice law in the states where they are admitted to practice.
Try asking a lawyer about the laws of another state where they are not authorized to practice. Watch them get nervous as hell – it’s hilarious.
A lawyer can be going on and on, blathering about a certain law in Kentucky, like they are the world’s foremost expert. Then ask, “Doesn’t Indiana have an exception to that law?” And watch them backstroke quicker than Michael Phelps. “Uh, no – I don’t know that. I’m not licensed to practice there. I don’t know anything about any of Indiana law. Don’t consider any of this to be legal advice.” Because lawyers are terrified of malpractice.
It’s important to know the laws of your state, and to know your rights. But if lawyers don’t even know the laws of different states, how can one be expected to know and abide by the laws of another state when visiting? Why should a person from Kentucky be held accountable for knowing the laws of Florida when they visit the beach, for example? I don’t have an answer to that question. I’m just asking.
All I know is this: Don’t pee on anybody in Indiana.
Here’s a great example of how the laws are different in different states. Apparently, in Indiana, peeing on other people happens frequently enough that the state had to make a specific law against urinating on your sister. Per WLKY:
A southern Indiana man was arrested and accused of beating and terrorizing his sister for hours, during a methamphetamine-induced rage.
…In February 2011, in the 300 block of Maple Drive in Charlestown, police charged Bracey in connection with assaulting his sister for nearly six hours with a handgun in her bathroom in a meth-induced rage. Police said he then urinated on her…
See, little sis!? The stuff I did to terrorize you when we were kids wasn’t that bad, was it?
In Kentucky, we don’t have a charge for peeing on your sister. We don’t even have a charge called “Battery with Bodily Waste.” Let’s briefly run through the Assault charges and related offenses, to see if we can fit it into another charge.
508.030 Assault in the fourth degree.
(1) A person is guilty of assault in the fourth degree when:
(a) He intentionally or wantonly causes physical injury to another person; or
(b) With recklessness he causes physical injury to another person by means of a deadly weapon or a dangerous instrument.
(2) Assault in the fourth degree is a Class A misdemeanor.
Peeing on your sister is not Assault, assuming it causes no injury.
508.070 Wanton endangerment in the second degree.
(1) A person is guilty of wanton endangerment in the second degree when he wantonly engages in conduct which creates a substantial danger of physical injury to another person.
(2) Wanton endangerment in the second degree is a Class A misdemeanor.
Peeing on your sister is not Wanton Endangerment, because there has to be a danger of physical injury. Again, I’m assuming you aren’t peeing on someone in a manner which could possibly cause physical injury.
(1) A person is guilty of menacing when he intentionally places another person in reasonable apprehension of imminent physical injury.
(2) Menacing is a Class B misdemeanor.
Doesn’t look like it fits into the category of “Menacing” because, again, no injury.
508.080 Terroristic threatening in the third degree.
(1) Except as provided in KRS 508.075 or 508.078, a person is guilty of terroristic threatening in the third degree when:
(a) He threatens to commit any crime likely to result in death or serious physical injury to another person or likely to result in substantial property damage to another person; or
(b) He intentionally makes false statements for the purpose of causing evacuation of a building, place of assembly, or facility of public transportation.
(2) Terroristic threatening in the third degree is a Class A misdemeanor.
I’m detecting a theme here. It looks like most of the Kentucky laws on Assault and related charges require an element of physical injury or the likelihood thereof. For that reason, it doesn’t fall in Terroristic Threatening, either.*
508.100 Criminal abuse in the first degree.
(1) A person is guilty of criminal abuse in the first degree when he intentionally abuses another person or permits another person of whom he has actual custody to be abused and thereby:
(a) Causes serious physical injury; or
(b) Places him in a situation that may cause him serious physical injury; or
(c) Causes torture, cruel confinement or cruel punishment; to a person twelve (12) years of age or less, or who is physically helpless or mentally helpless.
(2) Criminal abuse in the first degree is a Class C felony.
To tell you the truth, I was confident that peeing on your sister would not fall into any of the other categories of assault or related offenses, because of the injury requirement. But I had forgotten the exact language of the criminal abuse statute, because people simply aren’t charged with it very often.
So I had no idea whether it would fit under Criminal Abuse. But apparently it might, depending on the circumstances. It looks like when we get to subsection (1)(c) in KRS 508.120, that we can adjust our fact pattern to fit. If you have “actual custody” of your little sister, and you pee on her, and she is under twelve (12) years old, OR is physically or mentally helpless, AND a jury determines that to be “torture” or “cruel punishment” you could be found guilty of Criminal Abuse. Criminal Abuse in the 1st degree is a Class C Felony, which carries a punishment of 5-10 years (obviously, pretty serious stuff).
If, while peeing on your sister, you were in some sort of very intoxicated state**, and your lawyer was able to argue intoxication as a defense to the mental state, you could possibly be found guilty of a lesser form of Criminal Abuse, either a Class D Felony OR a Class A Misdemeanor.
What about urinating on your sister if she is over twelve (12) and of sound mind and body? If it’s a crime in Kentucky, I haven’t found a subsection under which they could charge you. If anybody out there knows more than I about the subject, please fill me in.
If you have been charged with Assault or any assault related charge in Louisville, Lexington, Frankfort, Elizabethtown, or the surrounding areas, you should call an experienced Louisville Assault Lawyer Greg Simms today. Call 502.618.4949 for a free consultation.
*I know I’m supposed to use the word “or” after I use the word “either.” I just don’t care. I’m a grown man. Don’t tell me what to do.
**See also: meth induced rage